Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Glory Days

Rick and Me on OBM1200ISEPRick and Me on our way to Joseph Oregon on the OBM1200ISEP (photo by Ready2Ride)

As the days slowly grow shorter and temperatures start to cool, thoughts normally turn to remembrances of the glorious golden days of summer and the Bikenfestivus soon to come. The Oregon Blue Mountains in Six Easy Pieces was a very memorable ride and brings to mind the need to start cataloging my grievances so I don't forget any.

1. Oregon Blue Mountains In Six Easy Peices--Where the hell did the "Easy" go? Someone must have been out of their friggen mind! Sure, climbing 45 million feet of elevation is lots of fun. Almost as much fun as getting a root canal in the work study department at a dental school.

2. Assos Cycling Shorts--Who the hell put that little orange flag in the shorts pointing out the butt? So there I am in the supermarket with my better half when she starts to fuss with the back of my riding shorts. "Honey, stand still, there's something stuck to your butt!" she says. ZOMG, I'm like so embarrassed. "That's the Assos mark of distinction and quality..." says me "...and stay away from my butt!" I don't know what that little orange tab it is there for. Maybe its a wind speed indicator or something. Whoa!

3. Washington State Legislature--Every seven years Washington motor vehicle owners are required to replace their license plates because the reflective coating is only warranted for five years! Doh, stupid state legislators! How about purchasing the Washington State license plates from any of the other 49 states that don't have any problem with the reflective coating on their plates and don't require their idiot voters to buy new plates for 20 30 40 dollars every 5 6 7 years! Doh, don't want to put the prison industries out of business. The unemployment rate in prison is already so high! How about if we buy the State Troopers some new eye glasses so they can see the damned plates? Or how about if you just send the people making the reflective coating a great big pile of someone else's money and let us keep our license plates?

4. Software Developers at guys are so smart, if they were any smarter they could sit on the Bikenfestivus pole. If you fail uploading a file three times in a row, they lock you out of uploads and display a dandy message in bright red calling you a moron and telling you to call support because it is obvious that you need help. Here, help this you jerks: How about if you kiss my big bad Bikenfest biker behind?

5. Daniel Johnston--Don't Let the Sun go Down on Your Greeveance? Doh, are you out of your mind? Who says Greeveance? It's grievance, as in complaint! It just makes me crazy listening to you sing "Don't Let the Sun go Down on Yer Greeeeveaaance." It sticks in my head and won't let go. Damn you Daniel Johnston!

It just make me crazy. Bikenfest can't get here soon enough.